Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
