My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
