why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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