Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
