Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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