Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize