I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
