the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
