i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
