Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
