The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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