my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize