He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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