How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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