Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
