I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
