how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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