You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
