My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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