Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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