Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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