PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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