we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
