whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
