do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
