Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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