either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
