Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
