I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
