we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
