i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
