you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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