Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
