She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
