Is it because I queefed?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
