I cut my penus on the lid.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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