Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize