wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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