There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
