You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize