it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
