Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
