he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
