I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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