i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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