You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
