What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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