Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
