dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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