Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
