I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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