fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize