so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
