I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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