Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I see more hoeing in ur future
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
