Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
