i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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