im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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