Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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